Every man, if he sat down and laid all his crosses before himself, would find one he didn’t choose. At least one of his crosses is not of his own making. It’s the big one. The ugly one. The one with rotten wood and splinters. He could arrange the others crosses to form a larger cross, and it wouldn’t be as large as the one he didn’t choose. The one he didn’t choose is larger than even all the other crosses put together.
But the cross he didn’t choose is more important than all the others. Not because it’s bigger, although that too, but because he didn’t choose it. A chosen cross is an ornament. It’s a challenge you give yourself. Maybe because you want to be a better man. Maybe because you saw another man do it. These are fine reasons, but they’re not enough to choose the cross you didn’t choose.
This cross is too big to choose. You couldn’t choose it if you tried. It’s taller than you, heavier than you, with longer arms. Out of all the crosses you have, it’s the one you fit on. The cross than can actually crucify you is the only cross that’s bigger than you are. The others are just decoration.
This cross has to be given to you. It has to be given to you by someone who wants to see you carry the biggest cross you can. Or can’t. Because you can’t. He knows you can’t, and He knows that that’s important. If He didn’t give you this cross, you’d only have the smaller crosses, crosses which you chose because you liked them. They make you look good, you think.
The cross He gave you makes you look bad. Foolish. Undesirable. Alone. And when you carry it long enough, and you finally feel bad and foolish and undesirable and alone, you have to stop carrying. You have to look around, and then you might start asking questions. Why do I have this cross? It’s bigger than I am. How did I carry it this far?
You didn’t. The cross was chosen because you couldn’t. You couldn’t carry it. You couldn’t choose it. You don’t like it. And that’s the point. It makes you ask questions. And if you ask long enough, you start finding answers. Like how the cross is too heavy to carry alone, but you’ve been carrying it this entire time. So it wasn’t you. It was He who gave it to you.
The cross you didn’t choose was meant to help you realize that it’s not just you. It’s Him annd you. And the thing that makes you strong is that you’re so weak that He needed to help. If you weren’t, you’d be left with only the crosses you chose. And they’re nothing. The cross you didn’t choose is everything.